I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
