You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
