That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
