Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize