Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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