i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
