I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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