eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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