wakey wakey hands off snakey
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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