Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
