So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
