You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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