tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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