Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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