Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
