dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she pinky promised me she was 18
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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