I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
