Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize