marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
