The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
