Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
