Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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