You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
