If that was your dad, he is hot
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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