we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
