3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
