just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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