I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
