Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize