I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
