i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
