Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
