someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
