a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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