finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
