Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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