at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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