This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
