Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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