Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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