I could have mohawked her pubes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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