im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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