i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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