How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
