my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
