I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
