I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
