Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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