Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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