I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well you can't waste a boner
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
