She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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