Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
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