Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
