Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
