:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
