Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
