I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
