did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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