i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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