I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
