Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
