I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
