I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
