2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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