It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
