The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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